Self-Portrait of A Soul

During my early years in therapy, I created over 300 paintings to try to communicate to my therapist, Al, what I was unable to say in words. They were also a way of communicating with myself, becoming a listener, a witness to what was coming forth from inside of me. I will occasionally publish my artwork, along with the words I wrote later to accompany it.

"Do not pray for tasks equal to your power. Pray for powers equal to your tasks. Then the doing of your work shall be no miracle, but you shall be the miracle." ~Phillips Brooks

 This painting flew out of me and onto the canvas in about 10 minutes one evening. I was experimenting with a new color and doing monochrome. To me, it looked almost like it had been carved from wood. 

The image appeared to be both male and female.  The expression on the face showed someone who is very alive, very quiet, and sees very far. When I saw what appeared on the canvas, I started shaking with happiness at his or her beauty. I felt wild, raw energy while doing this painting. It was very exhilarating! 

I chose the quote of Phillips Brooks to accompany this because the whole process of this healing work required so much more than I felt I had within me. The task of healing was monumental. I needed monumental power to do this inner work, and it is true … that I became the miracle.  I became the miracle I had been praying for through the grace of God and a moment-by-moment exertion of intense courage over more than 20 years. 

As time went by, I realized this was really a self-portrait of my soul. It feels so much like the inner me that I have used it as a logo, as well as the cover of my book, Art as Alchemy.